it’s really happening (baby #2): 3rd trimester

Home stretch! Jesus I can’t believe I’m starting my 3rd trimester. At the latest, in 11 weeks we’ll be welcoming a new baby into the world. A little brother for Liv, a son for Justin and another baby to keep this crazy family of ours interesting and full of love. It’s all incredibly overwhelming, but keeping a list of shit that needs to get done before that time comes has actually helped. Lord help us.

Oh, and this is an accurate picture of what my bladder feels like 24/7. Even if I JUST pee’d 5 seconds ago.

Here’s how I’m doing this time around:

1. How big is the baby?

Baby is the size of a Barbie convertible, or an acorn squash (if you’re better with food- cue Julia Roberts line from My Best Friends Wedding). He’s super active and kicking all the time, especially at night when I’m the most chill (a.k.a toddler is sleeping). 

2. Foods I Love…

Let the sour trend continue! Rueben sandwiches are my weakness. The pickles, thousand island dressing, pastrami and cheese are just heaven to my tastebuds. Skip the coleslaw or sauerkraut this time around. I have been really cautious about eating deli meat, but rueben sandwiches are heated and after getting the OK from the doc, I’m all up in that. 

3. Foods I Hate…

Anything string-y or chopped that will make my throat and GERD flare up. I curse the coleslaws, chopped salads, chopped nuts, granola, oatmeal and seeds of the world right now. I’ll welcome them back once this baby is out, but as of now, be gone or there will be consequences. 

4. How I’m Feeling…

Aside from not sleeping due to restless leg syndrome, insomnia and typical I-cant-find-a-good-position-to-sleep-with-pregnant-belly issues, I’m feeling ok. I get tired a lot during the day and need to take a nap while my toddler naps or else I’m beat before my husband can get home (there was a moment last week when a nap did not happen and as I’m trying my best to stay awake, my toddler is going around in circles singing “walking, walking, walking!!”). Picking up toys and things that fall on the floor are given a long pause in deciding whether or not to bend down and get them, which I have now left to my husband. It’s just too much work to pick them up and my organs don’t seem to appreciate being folded in half while I pick up the Elmo figurine for the 10th time. Since I am feeling better overall, I’ve taken a bit of excitement in dressing this new bump. I didn’t have much of one with Liv because of all the issues, and my attire consisted of sweatpants and tops just to make it through each day, so pregnancy dresses have been fun to try on and buy. 

5. Looking Forward To…

Baby sprinkles and showers! Justin and I don’t need much aside from essentials we borrowed the first time around and slobbered on teethers and bottle nipples, but it’s fun to celebrate a little boy joining our family. It’ll be exciting to celebrate with the color BLUE this time 🙂 

6. Scared About…

Problems that arose with the first pregnancy coming back for seconds. Also the big to-do list I keep adding to and fear of not getting done. The last delivery was out of the blue, rushed and nothing was ready (including a new house and baby stuff) so I like that I can at least figure out what I’m packing in my hospital bag and organizing baby stuff BEFORE baby comes (at least that’s the idea). 

7. Things I’ve Learned…

That millions of moms do this 2 kid thing everyday. The internal mind struggles, fear of the unknown and the how-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-this thoughts are calmed by the fact that my mom and my mother-in-law have done this exact thing. I’m grateful that Justin is my teammate in this transition and an active father. I’m learned that we are a true team when it comes to our kids, and adding one more will just make that team stronger, with more laughs and less sleep 🙂 

baby thoughts: fear of the unknown

I’m halfway through this pregnancy, which means that in 4.5 months we’ll be welcoming a little boy into our family.

At first, the fear of the unknown set in hard. Not knowing what I was going to do with a boy, how my relationship with my little one will develop, and how I was going to handle the moving parts of a family of four were overwhelming. I think about those moments when days flow so gracefully when it’s just her and I. Then I think about how that same day would be while also having a newborn. And fear sets in.

As the predicted due date approaches faster and faster, the logistics of bringing another baby have gone from anxiety, to a go-with-the-flow system, back to an anxiety, and round and round we go. Those same thoughts are softened by the support of family and friends, but most of all, the assurance that Justin and I are a true team. Although our little one was a pretty easy baby, the way Justin and I handled being parents of a newborn really impressed me. We worked together, never undermining the other and going with the flow to see what worked and when. It makes such a difference when you’re also struggling with sleep deprivation and trying to keep the human that you’ve made stay alive.

All those things aside, the fear of the unknown is a difficult pill to swallow, and one that I personally struggle with through life. It’s always better to know whether a situation will work out when you know the outcome, but the “wait and see” approach is tough, man. What if it’s harder than I thought? What if I could’ve done something differently? What if, what if, what if. It can be so mind consuming. A surprise pregnancy, different gender, impact of the first born and logistics of space are all unknowns. But in all this I keep going back to two sayings that calm me down:

“God will never give you something you can’t handle”

“People have done this exact thing FOR YEARS”

I guess I’m officially welcomed to the club.

it’s really happening (baby #2)

Alright, at 21 weeks and halfway through this thing. In a couple of months we’ll be knee deep in diaper changes, late night feedings and being parents of a newborn again. I’m wrapping my head around the logistics of bringing another baby into the world, and as I hang out with my little one and rock her to sleep while my obvious pregnant belly is getting bigger and bigger, I’m reminded to savor those precious moments of us as a twosome.

Here’s how I’m doing this time around:

1. How big is the baby?

Baby is the size of baseball hat or a baby bok choy. He’s super active and kicking all the time. I’m carrying this baby differently this time around which the doctor has blamed gender and stretched uterus, go figure. 

2. Foods I Love…

Pickles! Cliche as all hell, but I’ve sent Justin on a run for pickles now, and I HATE pickles. Never eat them when they come with sandwiches, always pick them off burgers, but with this pregnancy I want them so bad. Truffles are also a win- but I don’t know if I would blame that on pregnancy…

3. Foods I Hate…

Super heavy food and seafood. It’s just too much and I feel like I have to walk around and help everything move and it’s just not worth it. I’m eating more than with Olivia, which is awesome, but there is quite a bit of maintenance and supervision that has to be done so I don’t feel like shit. 

4. How I’m Feeling…

While I think this pregnancy is going better than my first, I’m getting all sorts of new discomforts like round ligament pain and back pain. Maybe it’s because I’m carrying him differently, my placenta is in a good spot this time around and baby boy is super active, who knows. I think my body just got its shit together this time around, but I feel better. First trimester was a bitch, and I don’t wish that on anyone, so I’m happy to be in second trimester (although I wouldn’t call it bliss). 

5. Looking Forward To…

Keeping on, keeping on. Feeling OK, celebrating with friends and family to help welcome this new baby, the joy of giving Olivia a sibling and becoming a family of four. Our ultrasound was great and everything seems to be progressing the way that it should. 

6. Scared About…

The probability of developing preeclampsia again with this pregnancy. I am reading that there is a 20-30% chance of it happening again just because of the severity of the last one (HELLP syndrome). I’m checking my blood pressure everyday and monitoring my symptoms closely. Hopefully since I know what to look for, I”ll be better prepared to handle it if it happens again. 

7. Things I’ve Learned…

Give into the cravings- why the hell not? Walking is also good for everyone involved including Olivia and Mya. I’ve also learned that although my bond with Olivia is so super strong, I’m happy that we are giving her a sibling to partner through life. I was listening to a podcast by Jeff Kluger who wrote a book called The Sibling Effect. At the end of his speech, he says that siblings “give each other a sense of constancy, a sense of having a permanent traveling companion and somebody with whom they road tested life with before they ever had to get out and travel it on their own. They are among the richest harvests that life has to offer.” I know with the closeness that my sisters and I share, I feel so grateful my parents decided to do that for me.