Welcome to the world

There is something to be said about being able to plan your baby’s birth, even if you only get 24 hours. Dylan was welcomed into this world as an early arrival on a Sunday morning, making today a week since we completed our family with a beautiful baby boy!

It’s a known thing that I am not great at being pregnant, my body doesn’t like to play host, (which come to think about it, neither do I, a sign maybe?) and my placenta likes to give out after about 35 weeks. So when I started to feel sick again and went to my doctor for the normal checkup, I was asked to go to the hospital for general monitoring. A “couple of hours” turned into a 2 night overnight stay, only to be discharged to go home for a night and then return to the hospital the next day for a c-section to get the baby out because of incredibly high protein levels. Pre-eclampsia, we meet again. This time it was caught before things got out of hand and before HELLP syndrome could show its nasty face. I now see that my doctor let me go home so I could get my shit together because everyone knew this baby needed to come out. Luckily, he was thriving and happy, while my body started the paperwork to try to kill me again.

It all worked out the way it was supposed to. My condition was caught at just the right time, I was able to get my doctor to perform the surgery (she came in on her day off which I will be forever grateful), my favorite nurse was working that day, and my family was able to be there with me.

I’m so happy it was Dylan that decided to complete our family, to be the last puzzle piece of our unique little crew. The intimate cuddle time I get to spend with him in the early mornings while my toddler is asleep and the house is quiet is becoming one of my favorite times to spend time with my new love. His facial expressions are the cutest thing ever and I can see his curiosity of this new world as his blurry vision takes it all in. He likes to be held, loves the mamaroo and is a hungry little guy. With no need for the NICU or any other medical problems, our job is to feed him, keep him warm and love on him.

It’s different the second time around. I know how to change a diaper, but no idea how to juggle two kids at the same time. I’ve experienced the “first baby firsts”, but it still feels new and uncharted because every baby is unique and a new experience on its own. A baby boy will be different for obvious reasons, but right now, it’s all about showing him that he is super loved, protected and comforted in this bright, big, overwhelming new world. I make the same promise to him that I did for his sister: to be his protector, advocate and whole-hearted mama bear. I got you. Everyone else better watch out.

Mommy loves you so much, Dyl. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy and for completing our family.

Our Little One

bottle

Everything happens for a reason. Timing is everything.

There was a short 5 weeks left to plan everything. Just having signed a lease to a new place that had an extra bedroom to build a nursery in, we were just starting to get everything together. A short 5 weeks, I would tell myself. 5 weeks can go by so fast.

I wasn’t prepared to deliver 5 weeks early due to severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome that developed what seemed like overnight. My baby wanted out and my body was tired of playing host. The doctors kept saying that if I was induced it would give my family time to get to the hospital from Texas to be with me, and I needed them to be there. With my platelet count and blood pressure out of control, my condition went from starting the process of induction to emergency c-section the next morning. I will never forget the kindness of friends and family, Justin always at my side, and the relief I felt when I saw my dad’s face after getting on a midnight flight to be with me. Timing is everything.

With little time to process everything, it wasn’t long before I heard our little one cry, a cry that made both Justin and I also cry. She was here, a tiny 3 lb. girl ready to meet the world and hungry as hell. Her days in the NICU were shorter than expected and we were able to bring her home sooner than we thought. With family as overwhelming help and support, we were ready to welcome our little one to an actual home and not a hot mess filled with unpacked boxes that would’ve surely been the case if it wasn’t for them.

As I stare at her tiny face, body swaddled all nice and cozy and wearing the same little hat she got at the hospital because it’s the only one that fits her, I still can’t believe that she’s mine. That I made her. That she grew into a tiny human inside me. I get teary-eyed just looking at her, wanting to hold her in my favorite position of her head on my chest while I kiss her tiny head.

It’s tough to stay present in the moment when you have your mind wrapped up in feeding times, pumping, diaper changes, formula-making, breastfeeding, sleep and how-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-this-on-my-own fears, but I  am constantly reminding myself to enjoy the sweet moments. I can already see her getting bigger and bigger everyday and pretty soon she won’t be able to take a nap on my chest anymore.

They say it’s different when you have a baby. That when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time your world is forever changed. That being a mom changes you in ways you never thought was possible. I can say right now, with my hormones and emotions off the charts, that I am the luckiest woman in the world that our little Olivia chose me to be her mommy, her advocate and her protector. After all we’ve been through, I can’t let her down.

Everything happens for a reason. Timing is everything.

little one