the sound of silence

Newborn. Toddler. Dog. Husband. Right now all 4 are sleeping, taking naps to re-charge for the rest of the day (except my dog, that’s all she does these days).

I’m on my keyboard, that being the only sound aside from the snores of my beagle and the air conditioner. I miss this silence. When things are quiet and I can actually sit with my own thoughts, embracing and soaking in the stillness. It doesn’t last long.

At this particular time we are maneuvering the demands of a toddler and the needs of a newborn. Both happening at the same time, and both carrying the same amount of importance and priority. My husband’s paternity leave is ending this weekend and on Monday it’s me + the kids. God help me. Oh, and did I mention we decided to potty train my toddler this weekend? Yeah, we’re doing that too. Cue head shake.

If someone should ask how I’m doing, I would say its complicated. With a moderate case of postpartum depression, missing my family and juggling to find my new normal come Monday, I would say I’m a *little* overwhelmed.

The real reality sets in when the dust settles and everyone goes back to their before-baby routine. Family goes back home, husband goes back to work, and just like that it’s just you and the kiddos trying to figure out how to get through the day. As a stay at home mom, Monday is staring at me with a “so what are you going to do?” look.

I’ve got no choice but to figure it out. It was daunting how me + new baby were going to get into a groove, and we figured it out. Me + toddler + new baby will also figure it out. It’ll be different, but eventually (after much trial and error), we’ll find our groove. To all the mamas out there freaking out about the same thing, trying to wrap their heads around how they are going to get through the day, believe me when I say it’ll happen. At the end of the day, we have no choice but to make it work, and we will.

In the meantime, I’m just going to sit here. Basking in the silence. Before the chaos commences once again.

pregnant with a toddler- the struggle is real

I know pregnancy makes you tired, especially in the last month, but I was not prepared for how tired I’d feel this time around. My daughter had issues with me as her nutrition host and was a tiny, pre-term 3 lb. baby who just made me sick all the way up to delivery. But I could take a nap on demand (when I wasn’t nauseous), and plan her arrival calmly.

This time is so different. While in hindsight I appreciate the fact that my daughter kept me just distracted enough to not have the luxury of feeling sick all day (the DayQuil commercials come to mind when the mom goes into her kids room and asks to take a sick day), as time has gone by and my belly gets bigger, it’s harder for me to keep up with her. I’m tired all day, not sleeping, and chasing a toddler with the energy of a hopping Energizer bunny.

I wasn’t prepared to be this exhausted 24/7 with a toddler running around and an unborn son who thankfully is on target and using my body and thriving. All this while trying to wrap my head around all the things that need to get done to get a house ready to accommodate two little ones with completely different needs.

I struggle with trying to fit in so many things that I want to do with my daughter as we come to a close as a twosome, with the reality that my body just can’t do it. While zoo trips and beach days sound awesome, I’m slowly caving into the fact that movie afternoons are where it needs to be at. Queue up Finding Nemo and The Little Mermaid.

So while I’d love to hear any thoughts out there from other moms who have have dealt with this exact situation, I know that I’m not alone and that I’ll be fine. My mom did this exact thing and my sisters and I came out just fine (or so she keeps telling us). Still- any advice on how to survive this last month of pregnancy with an active toddler would be much appreciated!

3 months!

The first 3 months of a baby’s life is no joke.

Justin and I had to learn how to keep a tiny, 4 pound, 5 week early preemie baby fed, rested and alive with minimal crying. That was the goal. Keep the baby that we worked so hard to get alive and well. All the while figuring out life as parents, taking naps, dimming lights and speaking softly. Before we had a baby, Justin would come home and turn on the TV and we’d talk about our day while I was in the kitchen making noise and cooking dinner. Now when he comes home we dim the lights, speak softly and figure out the quickest way to get food in our bellies before Olivia wakes up. That’s life.

baby lee
1 month old
baby lee
2 months old

Now that she’s 3 months old (or just 1.5 months according to preemie age), I’ve seen so many changes in her that she’s hardly recognizable since the day we brought her home.

She smiles, recognizes us (or as Justin says, “she better know who we are”), tracks things, gives us those adorable coo’s and “ahh’s” every once in a while, and is more curious of things around her. She’s growing and changing everyday. When veteran mom’s say that they “grow up too fast”, I now know what they mean.

Happy 3 months little one, here’s to more snuggles, kisses and a whole lot of love.

baby lee

baby lee IMG_2011 copy_edited-1